No Jokes Detected: Phenomenal Properties We're Serious About
by INHABIT EDITORS
These homes are as real
as you want them to be.
Each week, we here at Inhabit bring you collection after glorious collection of our favorite listings from across Corcoran’s vast array of markets. Glamorous townhouses. Sparkling fresh builds. Bowling alleys with six-bedroom estates on top of them. And so on.
This go-around, we’re thinking outside the box that’s listed for $4 million and has 12-foot-high ceilings. Here comes a round-up of notable homes—suburban enclaves, countryside hideaways, interplanetary spaceships—that defy all expectations. Don’t be fooled, the only thing stopping you from living in these places is your imagination.
742 Evergreen Terrace | Springfield, USA
Springfield is almost impossibly huge—from The Android’s Dungeon to Krustylu Studios, past the scenic tire fire, up that escalator to nowhere, and all around town. As such, it’s a blessing to have a home like this four-bed, two-and-a-half-bath to continually refresh and recalibrate day-after-day, week-after-week, season-after-season. The TV room’s couch is remarkable in this sense. If you want to parachute onto it, ride it like a bucking bronco, or sit and watch the latest McBain movie, rest assured the couch will catch you no matter the impossible circumstances—even if it tips backward and you crash through the wall.
Outside, the picket-fenced backyard has a patio and treehouse, plus space for a grill and hammock. Basement and attic storage provides extra space to stow once-important, now long-forgotten mementos. A cozy primary suite with an ensuite bath overlooks the unforgettable neighborhood. On top of all this, any amenity you could ever need is directly on-site (next door at the Flanders’ house).
Bag End | The Shire
Tons of homes will incorporate the surrounding landscape into their layout—but what about a surrounding landscape that incorporates a home? Crawl directly into the countryside at this scenic abode, located in the Hobbiton neighborhood of the Shire. The entire roof is enveloped in flora, draping over the yellow façade, making space only for the entryway and round stained glass windows. A circular, wooden front door is painted a distinct shade of green and bordered with hand-laid brick masonry. Inside, the one-level floor plan sprawls out like a network of tunnels, each turn unveiling one resplendent room after another—including a breakfast nook and a second breakfast nook.
Ceilings are low by design—to accommodate previous owners—but trust us: walking with a slight hump from now on because of all the crouching will be more than worth it. Here, whether you’re looking to avoid the watchful Eye of Sauron or are planning an elaborate 111th birthday party, living in a hole means living in comfort.
120 Conch Street | Bikini Bottom
Of all the millions of stones that have settled beneath the waves, there is none more iconic. This historic home is located on the most coveted stretch of ocean floor sand in all of Bikini Bottom. Perhaps owing to all the saltwater, the exterior—adorned in a smooth brown facade and crowned with an original handmade weather vane—remains impeccably preserved. However, the interior presents a slightly different story. Flip the home open on its hinges and discover a fantastically flexible floor plan. Do you want a single-room pit in the ground with only enough space for a couch, TV, and lamp? Or is something with multiple rooms and furniture expertly crafted from sand more your speed? Whatever you envision, this unassuming rock can make them a reality.
While the home is celebrated in its own right, it is also within walking distance to numerous neighborhood landmarks, including the Krusty Krab, Jellyfish Fields, and—if you’re into that sort of thing—the Chum Bucket.
Apartment 00100100, Robot Arms Apts. | New New York
The tiny home of your highly animated dreams already exists in futuristic New New York. For those looking to downsize, your search is over. Two glorious cubic meters of space compose this humble abode, fit for androids of all models and makes. Minimalism is in its ideal state as a series of gray walls mingle with a single overhead light. Just a tad more space is found in the one-bedroom closet. It boasts a kitchen, a full bath, and a spacious living area across hardwood floors. An oversized window—which spans the width of the wall—allows natural light to flood in and shows off city skyline views. Nothing too special. You could probably fit a coat or two in there if you really wanted.
When you’re not powered down into sleep mode or standing still in the heart of this studio apartment, venture out into the city beyond. Madison Cube Garden is pitch-perfect for blernsball matches or the opera, and the Head Museum is free on Tuesdays.
USSC Discovery One | Outside Jupiter's Orbit, Orion–Cygnus Arm, Milky Way
Construct your personal space odyssey from this beyond-modern interplanetary ship idyllically floating toward Europa. Delight in impeccable steaks, fresh fruit and veggies, and any style of eggs desired—freeze-dried never tasted this good!—in the combination lounge-dining room. The entirety of the 40-foot, spherical living area slowly rotates, generating artificial gravity and serving as a built-in home track for running or power walking. Ample room abounds for you and several others to comfortably rest in cryogenically-frozen suspended animation. Meanwhile, a boundless electronic library puts literally all knowledge you could possibly want at your fingertips. There’s even a three airlock garage with as many EVA pods.
HAL 9000 smart home technology puts all others to shame. Your personal artificial intelligence expertly maintains the home—including life support and navigational systems—to custom specifications and makes a formidable chess foe. Do whatever it takes to not upset or offend HAL, and it’ll almost feel like you aren’t drifting through the galaxy 390 million miles from Earth.